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Fetish Fuel

Raging Stiffie

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  • Happens to me when I walk by the brassiere section in a department store. It's really embarrassing.
  • Surprised that no one has mentioned the discomfort that can result from this trope + being gay. Suffice to say, I had a really good looking friend. Who liked to wrestle. Given how Straight Gay I am, its possible no one believed that I was gay until an unfortunate incident where my aformentioned friend used me as a chair...
  • My experiences wouldn't be much too funny compared to some tales here, but I've witnessed the Real Life version of this trope being played with. Enjoy:
    • As most Malagasy boys, I got tested for military service at age 18. The process happens in four stages: first you get in rank like any soldier. When called, you enter a first room where you fill out lots of papers with info on you. Then you enter a second room where you strip down to your skivvies and stand on a platform while a doctor measures your height and weight. In the last room, off go the skivvies, for a complete medical examination... and you're supposed to enter that room in groups of ten. At one moment, you're pretty much standing there, naked, with a naked guy behind you and a naked guy's behind in front of you. Perfect moment to have the mother of all embarrassing Raging Stiffies, right? Well, nope. It didn't happen, probably because everyone was too scared it might happen. The Crowning Moment OF Funny that day actually came from the second room, the "skivvies only" one. When you get your height measured, pretty much everyone who stands in rank (i.e. dozens of guys) has a nice side view of you. Cue the shortest guy getting... erm... excited... while being measured. The poor guy heard jokes about "proudly raising the flag" and "being good at erecting tents" all day long...
  • This troper's boyfriend has one every time she sees him... And is usually promptly followed by a wet spot after some nice, ahem, fun.
  • This troper who never masturbates and will probably be a virgin for the rest of his life just finds erections annoying.
    • Ah, seconded. Same situation here. Just makes things unecessarily awkward.
  • Lol, This Troper has had it happen at several majorly inappropriate times.
  • It was Science class. We were given free time and this troper just decided to lay back and relax. It didn't take long to realize that I had a stiffie, but i didn't mind and decided to wait it out when out of nowhere one of my female friends decided to sit on my lap because i looked lonely. If she were to find out i would be known as a perv forever so i had to think fast So i told her she was heavy right before she noticed. Though I was slapped (rather hard in fact) it was a slap of accomplishment!
  • While carrying one of my girl friends... friends who is a girl that is. Her butt was rubbing against it so it wasn't my fault.
    • Did she notice?
    • While changing for a play (we had to change in the same room), fortunately nobody noticed.
  • Couldn't resist this one. When this troper was seventeen, he had a date over to the house to watch a movie. She laid her head down in his lap at one point, right on top of his Raging Stiffie. Being completely sexually inexperienced at this point, it was extremely embarrassing, though she acted as if she didn't notice. However, it was obvious she did when she grabbed a pillow to put between her head and the unruly member.
  • Revelo: This Tropers relative inexperience both sexual and with relationships means that if any girl starts to flirt with me or hint at any capacity, is enough to set mine hard faster then a clay plot in a kiln. Even thinking dirty for a minute is enough,
  • This (female) troper has never had any problems with this trope, but now wants to work it into her fiction desperately. However, it's just as awkward (if not worse) to be in the vicinity of one suffering random priapic gloriousness, so rest assured, you're not alone.
    • Speak for yourself. Some of us like it.
      • Fair, fair. Isn't there rule 36 for that?
      • Well, there's porn of women having a screaming orgasm randomly in public for no reason while fully clothed. I imagine there's some for the other way around.
      • What about nipples? Cue two spring boing sound effects.
  • This troper's friend had great fun clinging to him, stroking his arm and whispering in his ear of all the things she'd do if only she had a popsicle. In the middle of a crowded street. And that's only one thing in a five-hour marathon of giving me a massive boner and maintaining it.
    • FIVE hours? Did you consult your doctor?
      • My mind holds several bonerkilling thoughts and images and I kept thinking of them every now and then, so I was never in any real danger. I was, however, having a blast.
    • FRIEND WITH BENEFITS!? WIN!!!
  • I keep seeing a friend of mine around town lately. Every time she sees me, she rushes towards me and latches onto me, and I can feel her chest pressing against my back. Thing is, I have an attraction to busty women... and despite being young, she happens to be VERY well endowed. So... yeah.
  • If you're a male who has gone through the hellish time called puberty and not had this occur when even just talking to girls (or boys, for those so inclined) even once...you'll be a damn liar!
    • Or Linoleum tiles. Or someone dropping a hat. Or anything. Or nothing.
      • For this troper, it was a problem bordering on mode lock...
    • This troper never had it when being around people. Of course he never talks to people much anyway. He mostly got it during Geometry for whatever reason.
  • Goddamnit, no I will not Cyber with you, strange internet person! No matter how much my penis wants to!
    • Based off of a true story.
  • The "morning wood" variant occurs for this troper always and only as a result of having to use the restroom while asleep (and with only one exception in at least the last four years, the same goes for EroticDreams). The good news is, it prevents any chance of an unconscious Potty Failure. The bad news is, it's incredibly painful to relieve bladder pressure through a "Raging Stiffie" that won't go away until said bladder pressure has been relieved.
  • I had one once after helping the School Bicycle zip up a dress. In a real weird moment, she said, "Nice Eiffel Tower." She grabbed it for a second. I was humiliated for the rest of the dance.
  • I have the weird knack of getting... excited... when my class is not exciting at all, and I start to fall asleep. Which is really odd, because I'm (usually) not even thinking of sex...
    • You can go to sleep when it's hard?! How?!
      • Very carefully.
      • You don't sleep on your back?
    • This Troper has the inverse law of activity applied to his member (usually in a boring class), despite being almost invulnerable to them normally. It's rather irritating.
  • This troper's 10th grade chemistry class led to an erection at approximately 9:00 am every class. My theory? That was about the time I started to get bored and look around the classroom, which contained several attractive girls.
  • Gender-flipped with a friend of this troper. One day, she was daydreaming during an egregiously boring class. When the class ended, she got up, looked at her chair, blushed heavily and wiped away the evidence. Fortunately for her, this troper was the only one who saw. Less fortunately, he spent all day teasing her about it.
    • It's got to be even worse than the male version, given the very distinct and... persistent aroma of female arousal.
      • The guy teaching the class has a reputation for his blatant abuse of aftershave, so I doubt anyone noticed. I know I didn't.
        • How do you know it wasn't just sweat? It's not uncommon for bare legs to get sweaty and stick to chairs.
      • This female troper is almost constantly wet. Reasons may range from sitting next to a hot guy or thinking about indecent things while daydreaming in class to sitting on someone's lap (especially when sitting on someone's lap. I just stopped doing it) to no reason at all. The memory of riding a bus on an unever road while wearing really tight jeans will forever remain in my mind as the most frustrating thing I've been through. And that's only supposed to happen to guys, dammit!
      • Dammit!!Now you're giving me a rager!
  • Having a girl openly tell me that my "baby" brother had one is one of my top most traumatizing memories. And she liked him, too...; even more after that incident.
  • I had this happen all the time in high school (as did most people). Good news: I knew how to hide it in inconspicuous ways most of the time. Bad News: I don't have the ability to think it away with non-erotic thoughts, so the times I couldn't hide it without drawing attention to the sudden lump in my pants I had to just pray no one saw it.
  • A guy in this Troper's high school class got one when our short little angry, manly looking teacher started shouting at him for not behaving in class. He ran out of the room all embarrassed! Funniest day of my life
  • I was in high school, in the basement making out with my girlfriend, when she noticed this.
    • Her: Can you take your cell phone out of your pocket? It's poking me.
    • Me: That's not my cell phone.
    • For the rest of our relationship, "cell phone" became a euphemism for this trope.
  • This troper has found something of a solution to this for teenage boys: pretend to yawn and stretch in such a way that you can inconspicuously dry-hump your desk. There are, of course, two problems. One, this only works if you're at a desk, sitting down. Two, people won't be fooled. Believe me, you'll get called on it.
    • Why the hell would I want to hump a desk? I thought the point was to NOT think about humping things.
  • This Troper never had too many problems with it, he almost never gets one when he's not alone and his is kind of small and he always wears large pants so even in the rare occasions where he gets one it's not something he has to worry about.
  • This troper had a variation while preparing for a high school orchestra concert at a local church. A couple of girls in his section were pointing and giggling at him, to this troper's confusion. It took a while for him to glance down and see the source of their amusement: This Troper's pants had "tented" as he sat down, giving the impression of a Raging Stiffie where there was none. A quick adjustment of the cummerbund fixed that up.
  • This troper usually wakes up with one. Sometimes I get them spontaneously whenever I think of (or see) sexy girls!
  • This page triggered my gag reflex. And not in the good way.
  • Happens exactly 35 minutes after lunch, like clockwork. Just direct it down the pant leg and raise your legs up to the desk. Doesn't prevent people looking at you like a weirdo :(
  • A friend of mine had to give a presentation with one of these once. In drag.
    • Wait wait wait... he had to have a massive erection for the presentation? Or was it an accident? Why was he in drag? For God's sake man, don't leave us with just that!
  • This troper has gotten kissed by a total of two girls in his life, and (perhaps due to the inexperience) this trope happened every single time lips locked. It's not even the only thing that's caused it, it often just happens spontaneously. A lot. This is why I can never wear sweatpants again. I once joked with a friend of mine that I might be Priapus himself incarnated in human form.
  • This troper for some reason gets them while watching Monty Python's Flying Circus or Daria. Neither are particular stimulating, except for the first episode of Flying Circus with that woman in the rainbow dress.
  • This troper subverts it: Whenever his mind wanders to Fetish Fuel, he imagines himself getting stabbed. Vividly. It usually works.
  • I get them sometimes, but with a small penis and big pants, it's hard to see.
  • Hoo boy did this troper ever have this problem. Solutions? Thankfully this troper had 'happy pockets', so (no, not what you're thinking - though, a guy I knew did take advantage of this in class once... and went too far by accident... and had to wipe his hands on the inside of his pants and walk out of class after thirty minutes like nothing happened) it was always possible to pin the offending body part under this troper's belt. Or if on the move, a hunched posture over a large pile of textbooks with eyes firmly planted on the ground. Never failed. Except in swim trunks... but, a pair of underpants helped subdue the problem somewhat.
  • This troper is well-endowed, so it's always visible. And for some reason, even at 27, the hormones are the same as when I was 12. It happens when I go to the gym and work out, when I am aroused, when I have to go to the bathroom, and even when I'm driving down the a hill. By the way, my first orgasm was actually from riding down a hill when I was 3.
  • This troper suffers severely from the morning wood variety. Every single time he wakes up, he has an erection. No exceptions, even when he sleeps for five minutes, he wakes up hard as a rock. Needless to say, this has nearly led to some extremely uncomfortable situations at sleepovers and when napping in class.
  • This troper's boyfriend is prone to these, especially when she's draped across his lap in some way. It's very hard to pretend not to notice.
  • I got one reading this page.
    • Glad I'm not the only one.
  • One of this troper's friends once mentioned how his roommate happens to get...very excited when watching sports. I once heard about how when his favorite baseball team got a Home Run, he happened to get a boner from it; it being very obvious through his pajama pants.
  • The first one applies to this troper. The most uncomfortable case was during an English Language class (for the curious, the people on my table are two straight females and a gay guy). Considering this troper is normally 7" (he has sometimes got to 8"), there have been cases where he has been amazed no one has noticed.
  • Once at work, this (female) troper was changing out of her uniform and happened to be in view of the door when someone opened it. At the same time, one of the managers was walking by. She barely had time to register what happened before he blushed and hurried away...when she finally came out and went to talk to someone, she noticed him sitting awkwardly in a chair in the office, despite obviously having nothing to do there. Awkward? Oh yes. Funny? Definitely. Flattering?...okay, a little...
  • This troper's class was on a long road trip and a boy brought medicine against motion sickness and gave it to several of his friends. This troper didn't see anything, but she heard them reading the list of possible side effects a while too late. "Nuisea, dizziness, fatigue, erection..." It actually happened to only one of those boys, but it goes without saying that said pills were discarded faster than you can open the box.
  • I had one during a club meeting, and one of the few girls who play Yugioh decided to sit in my lap as I played. She knew. She saw. And she promptly masturbated me with her butt. She then got up and looked down at me, "Ew...I think drool somehow got down there..." One of her Girl Posse commented on it, enhancing the embarrassment. The other nerds...were quite envious.
    • That's kinda rude.
    • Yeah, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. That was what mattered.
    • I think that just gave me one.
  • This Troper got them all the time in high school just like any other teenage boy. He would often get them while sitting in class which was good since there's a desk. He would often act as if he were adjusting his belt while simultaneously pushing his member under the elastic of his boxers so that it would remain secure. Wearing a lot of loose-fitting jeans and long shirts helped this. If all else failed, he would simply hold his books/notebooks at his side while he walked in order to conceal it.
  • This troper has the irritating habit of inducing this in boys she is not in the least bit interested in. We'll be hugging, and then I'll have to say "Dude, what's with the hard thing digging into my hip?" And then we won't be able to speak for about a week. It's rather annoying, frankly.
  • Ironically, this happens to me whenever I actively think it would be a bad time for it.
  • Happened to me when I was wrestling with a friend, through me simply wishing it WOULDN'T happen. Turns out it's a good defense against nutshots, which my friend is fond of.
  • This troper got one while in the middle of a class about sexual health. Apparantly, just mentioning the word 'penis' makes mine hard...And not for the reasons your thinking off.
  • This young male Troper gets one consistantly as soon as I wake up, every single morning. Without fail. It also happens annoying in public places, especially during times where I have to stand up and be in close contact with people. It's fine when it happens in private, but otherwise it's just annoying.
  • I have trouble with this a lot, like whenever I take a nap in class i wake up with a stiffie and if I don't get one right when I wake up I get one when I stand up in class. I avoid sleeping in class sometimes for this reason. Luckily it isn't always noticeable because I usually wear longer shirts. It gets hard to hide it though when I'm not wearing a long shirt because it kind of points forward. Unsexy thoughts don't help at all. And don't even get me started when I end up sitting next to a girl wearing flip flops that flexes her toes.
  • I had a particularly awkward experience at the bus stop on my first day of high school. There was a rather cute gal there who was apparently quite taken by me, and as she got more and more intimate, my trouser tent got taller and taller until it felt like my penis would explode like an over-full water balloon. I avoided any humiliation by sitting with my backpack in my lap, but then my bus came and I had to get up... The most awkward part? My bus was jam-packed with K-4 kids.

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